Do you feel conflicted as a parent?

Do you sometimes feel like you love your child soo much, but you also struggle to enjoy your child? Like you have to be their advocate because no one else sees the amazing person they are inside. And then sometimes, you have to remind yourself too because their emotions are either so numbed, or so big you don’t understand. That’s hard. And it doesn’t have to be forever. 

Theraplay might be the right fit for your kid if they’re having:

• separation anxiety
• long outbursts
• toileting issues
• overwhelmed sensory experience or sensory seeking behaviors
• struggle to try hard things

What is Theraplay?

Theraplay is a specific kind of play designed for a parent and child to develop and/or deepen their relationship. It was designed to fill in the needs of early relationship stages, including eye contact, touch, and general delight of being in each other’s presence. 

In Theraplay, while we have some tools to facilitate games, you—the parent—are the man point of attention and contact. A typical session consists of a series of short games and interactions that specifically focus on regulating a child’s nervous system and creating a sense of playful connection. When your child feels safe and connected, more times than not, these confusing behaviors start to lessen or even go away.

Four element of  Theraplay?

Theraplay focuses on four elements of play in office and then translates these general life needs during parent sessions.

Structure

Structure in daily life looks like a consistent routine, which creates a clarity of what’s coming. Structure also translates to clear expectations from parents, such as consistent house rules or consistently holding clear boundaries with a child about behaviors and virtues you are helping them to devlep. During a parent session, we often discuss small routines a parent can or has already  integrated into daily life, as well as connected ways to help enforce and hold expectations.

In the office, structure looks like consistent session routine once we find what “works” for ach ild. We will repeat the first few games regularly. For most kids, my sessions begin with a game while we walk in from the waiting room to my office as well as a general check in, and end with either a blanket swing/hammock ride, or reading a book and snack while cuddling with the parent. 

Engagement

Engagement is a fancy word to say “play aliveness.” At home, engagement looks like watching your tone of voice, or turning a boring task like cleaning up at bedroom into a game, or singing a song while you clean. Parents often are overwhelmed or maybe sleep deprived so engagement can be a struggle, but a dad’s silly voice or a mom’s silly face might help keep a kid connected, and thus willing and focused.

In my office, engagement looks like games where we practice using different tones of voice, like using an opera voice and then a robot intonation, or we might play a game where we blow each other over. The point of engagement is to wake up your vagus nerve aka wake up a sense of safety, increase an emotional sense of connection, and just generally create a sense of being seen. 

Nurture

Within the theraplay model, we often think of nurture as seeing needs/desires and attending to them. It’s the gentle form of connection: AKA soothing. Nurture for an adult might look like exchanging a back rub, or for a baby slowly lathering lotion over their legs and arms. At home with a kid, nurture might look like picking them up even though they are bigger, or taking the time to read books at bedtime. While nurture often involves touch, nurture might look like getting a special snack, or sitting with a child while swinging in a sensory swing or hammock.

In session, nurture looks like games where we turn kids into sandwiches between pillows, draw the weather on their backs, or pretend to paint them into a princess or a dinosaur. Many of my sessions either involve a hammock ride, or a ride on a “raft,” and end with cuddles and snacks. 

Challenge

The challenge element of theraplay is the space and encouragement to grow. While we need to love and accept each other as we are, challenge links that concept with the idea that you can do more. This holds to a key element of secure attachment: exploration. 

Challenge at home might look like helping a kid ride their bike without training wheels, saying “I’m here with you, but why don’t you try one more time before I help you?” or a parent asking a child to redo a school project where they clearly didn’t put in the effort before turning it into a teacher. Challenge is difficult for many kids who don’t feel secure because for anyone, a little anxiety comes with anything new or difficult to do. In parent sessions we might talk about the right “temperature” of challenge for your individual child, neither pushing them too hard, nor letting them stay stagnant. 

In my office, challenge activities are a bit different. Challenge looks like jumping off a really tall stack of pillows, or punching through newspaper–a truly fulfilling feeling. Developing a sense of success in little things, helps build confidence to try even harder things. 

Sneaky Effective

Generally, kids love coming to sessions, with a few bumps in the road here or there. It’s certainly a different form of play and some kids see right through me–pointing out that “this play is babyish.” And reality is, in a way they’re right. We are focusing on a baby/infant type interactions to create the neuropathways that help a kid feel safe, engaged, loved, and capable.

The amazing piece is that it works! I’ve had many parents go, “I wondered how a few games could make my kid engage differently, but it’s working. My child feels so much better.” And so can yours. Your kid can be the best version of their unique, spectacular self too.